Considerations of Intent

03/04/15

This past week, I got to see a lot of family. And, as it always happens with me and my family, I got into and witnessed one or two fights.

I've gotten a lot better at walking away in the heat of the moment. I have not gotten very good at doing that tactfully such that the person I am fighting with calms down. No, they usually get angrier. I have also not learned the best means of stopping an argument when walking away is impossible (e.g. when driving down a highway). Though, when it happened this time I managed to avoid getting out of the van in the middle of nowhere (though, this time I wasn't a part of the argument that much).

Anyways, having walked away from the argument I was able to, I was able to reflect on it in an emotional state usually reserved for escalating verbal violence. It was in this state that I found myself projecting a lot of intent onto the person I had argued with. Futher, I found myself projecting an understanding of my own intent onto her. Neither were fair assumptions.

Realizing this, I calmed down, and I thought of two things: what were her intentions and understandings of that argument, and how could I communicate my intentions and understandings of the argument. This, I suppose, is the entire purpose of honest tact. I must speak with precision and finesse to communicate effectively without causing unintentional damage. It's a kind of verbal surgury, I suppose.

I have read before that "intent is not magic", and I feel I am gaining an appreciation of what that means. Not only should I expect others to understand and consider my honest intentions, not only should I consider the consequences of my actions regardless of my intentions, but I should perhaps consider and even ask the intentions of others, so that I might faciliate better communication and peaceful resolutions.