On Enforcing Feelings

05/30/15

Early in my life, there were many times I was told to say I was sorry when I didn't feel sorry. I wasn't allowed to not apologize, regardless of how I felt. Other times I was compelled to forgive someone whom I had not really forgiven. To not do so would mean being punished.

It's something I remember whenever I'm around child drama, because now I find myself being the enforcer. And I realize that I don't think I'm okay with that. Being told how to feel and what to say was infuriating as a child, and not a useful experience now that I'm older and must explore my emotions and my actions with a significant lack of experience.

I do all right for myself here, but I still notice bad habits taking over in the worst possible ways and moments.

It seems to me perhaps we should treat children more like adults. Basically, if you wouldn't treat an adult in such a way, it's likely a child shouldn't be treated in such a way. Hitting an adult is very rarely acceptable, and so the same should be applied to a child. Dismissing or otherwise manipulating an adult's emotions in a dishonest way is probably emotional abuse, and so too would doing that to a child.

Yes, children are not adults, but that doesn't mean their agency should be allowed to be violated. Yes, they can more easily be a danger to themselves or others, or may be exploring territory very much familiar to adults. But, you know, udnerstanding the capabilities of adults and reacting accordingly is important, and so really the same thought applies. Context matters.

It's kinda weird, in many cases I'm forgetting what it feels like to be past me, but in others I remember it so clearly. How infuriating it was to not be listened to about anything. I would eventually scream that it was my turn to talk.

And I guess it was just something I was reminded of recently. I'll try harder not to repeat the actions I was on the other end of as a child.