The Beginning of the End

12/07/15

So, longest bout of silence yet there, Stephan.

I kinda went to the dark place I go sometimes. I mean, as far as dark places go, it's pretty great. I wasn't sad or anything.

I just didn't care.

Apathy is so insidious. Fighting it takes the initiative that apathy explicitly destroys. The best idea that comes when its around is to embrace it and let it run its course.

But it never runs its course.

It just becomes the default mode of behaviour.

Only once I recognize that I'm deep into habits and patterns I don't want to be perpetuating to have gain the motivation to fight back. And by then it's a long, grueling, uphill battle.

And the whole time I feel like I don't care.

I'd rather read Cucumber Quest.

But even consumption of entertainment I find legitmately amazing and high-quality becomes a hollow endeavour.

The only thing that makes me feel better is doing work. Something significant, but I just didn't feel like I could legitimately make that choice.

It's like a choice in an RPG that isn't really a choice.

Okay, I want to do something productive.... My choices are reddit or the Super Smash Bros. subreddit....

Ugh.

I went a whole month without reddit, or webcomics, or any of the things I decided were vices that I should avoid for now. And then I binged on all of them for way too long.

It's times like these I'm greatful that my addictions are just a horrible waste of my time and nothing properly destructive.

Welp, time to try again.

And by try again I mean start over.

And before I start over, I need things to end.

And by "things", I mean this site.

I was going to start over in January, but might as well start things early.

The basic plan is to pick this whole site up and stuff it somewhere like ksionda.me/2015, or something.

And then I'll go through the site-making process I started oh-so-long ago again, but this time with some amount of experience.

And perhaps more explicit goals of what I plan to do with it.