Daily Entry: August 27th, 2020


Intention (2300 the night before)

Alarm set for 0500. Conflict is a common theme in my dreams. When there isn't conflict, there's usually some surprise at something in the environment (I tag these as "Call outs", with some glaringly impossible things being "Surprisingly Possible"). I will try to have these trigger a reality check. Upon gaining lucidity, if I feel the dream collapsing, I will ask, "Can I stay?"

"Stabilize!" didn't work, and part of that is that commands just aren't my style. I'd rather have a dialog that leads to an informed consent, even—no, especially—with my mind.

I will also try to remember the dreams that occurred before WBTS.

Wake-Back-to-Sleep (logged at 0500 this morning)

0500 success! I'm very tired.

I feel like I maybe recently woke out of a dream but I can't gather it here. EarlierREM dreams will take some work, I think.


Found it! Maybe two different ones?

(I write "Climate Change Closes the Stock Market" and "A Coup in Joker's Gang" here)

Okay, dreams captured to the extent I remember.

Again, there was conflict. Though, stock market thing was something that felt "right", but "bad weather" being the reason is surprising. Something I think I "called-out" in the dream, maybe? Which I'm trying to use to trigger a reality check.

So, as I go back to sleep: conflict, surprise, call out. These may mean dream. Try reality check.

Now, I will reality check until I fall back asleep.

Wake (logged at 0700 this morning)

No additional dream memories.... Perhaps, whenever I notice I'm awake in bed, I should go to my dream journal and see what spills out.

Climate Change Closes the Stock Market

I am at an old home in Vancouver, Washingon. Except the layout isn't quite right. Have used iMac to make a large investment. My sister comes to me with the wireless phone. It's the investment firm I just used. My investment allocation is delayed. Terrible weather has caused a panic and the stock market has temporarily shut down.

A Coup in Joker's Gang

I have joined a gang led by the Joker. Though, this "I" is some strange dream avatar, not a person I identify as me. Possibly I am Harvey Dent, though that doesn't really make sense. I am walking around the city streets with no discernible goals or purpose. It was really pouring earlier but I notice I'm not wet. It may even still be raining but I'm not wet.

Some sort of confrontation with the Joker happens? The dream is real fuzzy. I think I killed the Joker.

Meditation (Day 83)

Today, I will meditate at 1600 on purpose.

Intentions for the day:

  • Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
  • Anything I have control over, try to do anticipate it mindfully
    • E.g. swallowing, introspective check-ins, even
  • Learn the various different ways I have to guide myself back to the breath
    • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
  • Trace distractions to source, see how much wandering happened
  • Try to note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
  • Only adjust posture mindfully, microadjustments due to relaxation too (though just "relax" as a mindful cue is good)

Post-Meditation (should be filled in around 1700)

Today, I had a shorter session. I sat for 30 minutes instead of 45. It's not something I want to make a habit of. There's this struggle in the last 15 minutes that is very satisfying to overcome. But the first 30 minutes were very solid, none-the-less. It's something that's okay to happen every once in a while.

Basically, promised to do thing with wife, but there was a bunch of meetings in awkward places, and the wife misheard, so I had to find a new place. And then I didn't manage my stretching time too well, and I realized I needed to stop a bit sooner than when music with wife started because I need to walk about to verify circulation in my legs and stuff.

I think, however, that I always kept the breath in awareness, and did a pretty good job of handling distractions fairly quickly. Quite a few of them were handled in awareness before they intruded into attention. Which is fun. Further, I could feel the narration quieting today as certain processes became familiar. Really felt the breath for a lot of the session.

Also, I'm liking my new distraction tracking system, though it still has the problem of me needing to remember the distractions. But the ones I forget are either not to be worried about, or I'll get more chances in the future.

I'll do something similar with dreams to see frequency and stuff.

I may also start noting distractions outside of meditation, too. Kind of how pomodoros recommend doing them, but I'd do it more "Is this on topic according to what I've set in Toggl?"

It'll take a while to build that habit, but I may start playing with it soon.

But speaking of outside meditation, I'm feeling like I've come out of meditation all day lately. It's super solid. I wonder if my dreaming practice is a form of meditation? This also I think is leading to supercharged meditation. Like, there's an intensity on the cushion and it's like unlocking another level of power.

Still very excited to see how far this practice takes me. And also, I guess, how it mixes with other practices.

Extracurricular Stuff

Dream development is main new project now. Thus, "side-projects" will have to wait until next weekly review.