Daily Entry: October 21st, 2020

Meditation (Day 139)

Another prime number. Spoiled.

Prep (0815)

I did prep whilst sitting on the cushion today.

Post-Meditation (0900)

New best day! On a prime day, that's fun!

The breath was powerfully vivid after a bit of a slow ramp-up. Introspective awareness was quite vigilant. There were moments of distractions only in peripheral awareness, but it was hard to keep them there on verification. It was also hard to know if they were really there if I did check but no specific distraction came.

There was an extra ringing in my ears and a extra blue tint of light in my vision (eyes closed).

There was no hypnagogic or nonsense thoughts.

Perhaps the timing helped today? Needed to meditate early so I got in between 0815 and 0900.

Perhaps also it was doing all of prep on the cushion again? Didn't have time so I included it in the 45 minutes.

Perhaps, too, it's just the fruit of practice.

Lots of variables at play. Super exciting.


Intention (2155 the night before)

2155! I'm curious if sleep will go smoothly. I'd like to wake up early, as otherwise meditation will prove difficult until the evening.

Anyways, post-nap brought up something interesting: visualizing doesn't help incubate naps. Or, at least, it alone is not sufficient and not visualizing doesn't strictly prevent incubation.

I realized this having considered my "accidental incubation" dreams. The ones about Daysha and the aunt I haven't talked to in a while. Both occurred when I thought about them during the day and reflected a bit.

This reflection may be the dream seed.

So, then, what's important about my (other) aunt's house that I want to incubate a dream there? I haven't visited in a while, and usually I visit twice a year. I see my nieces and nephews. I'm home. And I'd like to go home for a bit.

Not going to recite reality check triggers anymore. That's something to do before the day starts to help build habit. I will still set the intention to do a reality check while dreaming, to WBTS, to visit my aunt, and to watch myself fall asleep.

Hotel Reunion

I am at a hotel. My family is there. I pick a fight with my mom over something, I forget what. I believe I have a similar fight with my sister.

I explore my hotel room. Its layout is ever-changing. At oin point, deep in the closet, I find a hat I used to own but lost a long time ago. I try it on, and it fits my head snugly but comfortably.

Looking in the mirror, I see that my ponytail is too high up and looks funky with the hat on. "I'll need to fix that," I think to myself.

I go and apologize to my mom. There's a conversation. She's exploring something. I don't remember. I tell her how I often leave things where I stay, even hotels, but somehow manage to find them on revisit, even hotels. We laugh about finding the hat.

I go to see my sister. I hear her cleaning as I enter where she's staying. I realize I'm tracking footprints in and panic a bit about angering her.

That's all I remember.

Wake (logged at 0650 this morning)

Once again, woke up for WBTS, but didn't do it. Also woke up at times where I could've written something in journal, but didn't. But the urge to do so is stronger each time. That's progress as far as I'm concerned. And I retained a lot of my dream in spite of that, too! Thank you, me!

Pre-nap (1230)

Pre-naps are pretty cool. Glad I'm doing them. Lets me get some reflection in and then a nap to further process it.

Two things jump out at me today, dream-wise:

  • I wanted to "go home" and had a dream about visiting with family at a hotel
  • I set the intent to wake up at 0630 and did!

The second thing I really appreciate, but the first thing is interesting. Perhaps I'll start the nap with that in mind.

Post-nap (1248)

Have a lot. Probably want type. Anchors:

  • Feelings of (platonic) love
  • Call parents regularly?
  • Insight vs wisdom
  • Free-will vs agency
  • Notion organization idea for atomic, linkable notes

Experimental (Notion Organization)

Have an idea, but will maybe make time for it tomorrow.

General Thinking

My days are super full as of late. Not in a tiring way. Just in a way that I really have to know what I'm cutting to add things.