Dream

Lucid dream achieved! A lot to write even though it all happened very quickly. Excited to get another go at it, though.

This morning I utilized a technique in A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming called "wake-back-to-sleep". I set an alarm for 0400, and woke up for 15 minutes, thinking about lucid dreaming. Then I went back to bed, thinking hard about lucid dreaming.

This is something I'll need to work on. Gots to invoke dullness more effectively whilst effectively meditating on my dream intention. It was hard to fall asleep, and also I was thinking about it so much that my dream was... well, you can read about it below.

LUCID: Dreaming in Bed

I wake up lying in bed. Having a lot of trouble falling back to sleep after wake-back-to-sleep. I hear a single voice speaking. It seems to be coming from my phone. Bringing the phone to my ear, the voice gets louder, but in a way that doesn't really make sense if the voice is coming from my phone.

I have a sudden realization and gasp, "Am I dreaming?" Tingling occurs all over my body. I try to push my right index finger through my left palm and it slides right through. "I am." The tingling gets stronger.

Getting out of bed proves difficult. It's as though all my limbs are dead asleep. With difficulty I achieve a sitting position. The dream is collapsing now. There's this dissonance between me sitting up in bed in the dream and me lying down in bed in the waking world. "Stabilize," I yell, trying to use a technique from the book. It helps a bit but the dream is still collapsing. I notice hair in my eyes and brush them away. The visuals of the hair gets replaced with a glitchy, compression-heavy haze. "Stabilize!"

Twirl. I need to twirl. The book says that this is a very effective means of stabilizing the dream. But I'm still sitting down, and I still can't get up. There's this feeling that I have nothing more that I can try, and I accept the fate of the dream. I wake up.

Fancy House Parkour Cat

I'm living in a large, fancy house. Very open. High ceilings. Everything a radiant white. Our cat Yoda is being adorably hyper, running all over the house. She eventually runs all the way up an especially tall, white wall to the ceiling and then runs back down the wall. "I didn't know that was physically possible!" We finally catch her and clean her ears.

Stranger Things Derivative

I'm a kid with my group of friends. There's this garbage can full of roasting marshmallows that I need to stash at my house, because my parents are away for the weekend. On carefully "hiding" the garbage can on the front porch, my annoying sister tells me I need to throw away some old flour or something. I argue with her about composting it. It's in some plastic container, though, and we do not have any compostable bags. Eventually, I figure out a way to compost it, and then I get in a car that takes me back to my friends.

Compound Medicine

Need medicine for pet but forgot where I put it. I am at the compound. My dad was with me when I last used it so I ask him for help, but he's drunk and of no use. My sister ends up finding it in the fence near the pool.

Meditation (Day 81)

Intentions for the day:

• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Anything I have control over, try to do anticipate it mindfully
  • E.g. swallowing, introspective check-ins, even
• Learn the various different ways I have to guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Trace distractions to source, see how much wandering happened
• Try to note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Only adjust posture mindfully, microadjustments due to relaxation too (though just "relax" as a mindful cue is good)

Post-Meditation

I had to delay the daily meditation quite a bit today (basically 8-hour delay, aka after work). So I'm possibly not sure what was special about today versus special about the timing. It seems that various intentions above are becoming more automatic. Which is good, means I've gotten better, but now I need to be vigilant about where the automatic parts need to be brought back into specialized attention and fixing.

For instance, today it really felt like my mind was very automatic about letting me know about distractions. Still a lot of gross distractions, but the breath never felt forgotten. However, I wasn't particularly diligent on checking where the breath was at the labeling of a distraction.

Distraction labeling is also becoming less narrated somehow, which is probably related to my dropping of the "check where the breath was" habit.

Further, I haven't so much developed an awareness and labeling of things before they happen, which is kinda the intent I'm going for, and more I really, really notice when they happen. So, I'm still moving without mindful intention, but my body practically sings at the slightest readjustment now. What I plan on doing is learning to stop the motion sooner and sooner until its stopped at the awareness that I want to move.

I've made progress here, I believe, in that near the end of the meditation several times I started to move but stop. Though I moved enough that I couldn't just stop where I was and I had to carefully put myself back.

Speaking of the need to move, I'm pretty sure my posture is very close to a completely sustainable position. Back no longer aggravated, and shoulder seems to be getting there.

The posture I have settled on is one where my hands hover in the air. This gives my shoulders more permission to relax however they want, which I find means that my neck and back also get to relax how they want. My arms don't get too tired holding my hands in place, either.

Hmmm.... I'm probably going to want to start collecting these thoughts in an organized manner again. Should make sure to review all my meditation topic blogs and see if I wrote about any of them in my daily thinking.

Added a reminder.

Also, my focus seemed to be pretty good today. I might want to make later-in-the-day meditations a more regular possibility when I want to start the work day early or something....

I'll think about it.

Extracurricular Stuff

Yesterday ended up having some meetings run long, so I didn't do much beyond music stuff with wife. I'll try to set aside a half-hour today, though.

....

Nevermind! Had errands to run today. Not even doing music with wife today. Ate up too much of the day.