Daily Entry: August 9th, 2020

Meditation (Day 66)

Once again kept pose for entire 45 minutes. Feels like a new milestone. Regularly getting long bouts of solid focus. Kinda feels like an intense fire in my head (in the same place where the headache used to be).

Extracurricular Stuff

Might skip this stuff today. It's last day of staycation and Quakecon at home.

Daily Entry: August 8th, 2020

Dream

Dreamt I went and saw a remake of... some movie at the theatre. Then my being in the theatre merged with the movie's story. There were priests at the theatre, and the main character got attacked with some sort of soul-stealing dagger, which transformed his face into a heavy-makeup KISS-member lookalike.

I then tried to drive home in a truck that was a lot like the truck I rented two months ago (black, with backseat area with own doorway entrance). It was like I was driving from the backseat, and my wife got in the way to ask me something. And then I woke up to my wife asking me if I was awake, as apparently I was sleeping with my eyes open. Her position and pose was the same as it was in my dream.

Meditation (Day 65)

Today I kept my pose the entire 45 minutes. Afterwards, my left leg below the knee was completely without feeling, but feeling came back very quickly (within like 5 steps I could more-or-less walk normally).

I'm more cofindent after today that my introspective attention is getting better and more automatic, and still think that this is the path to constant introspective awareness. Still a lot of gross distractions, but it seems that as soon as my attention leaves the breath, I have this "focus on the breath" chant start in the background, similarly to how a song can be stuck in my head playing in the background.

Extracurricular Stuff

So, I'm going to try to do extracurricular stuff today, but ASAP. Today is another quakecon at home day, and there may in fact be just as much drinking today as there was yesterday.

Daily Entry: August 7th, 2020

Meditation (Day 64)

The alarm to return to breath is firing sooner and feels like it's running in the background. I think this is what "make introspective awareness continuous" looks like. It's getting more effective, but from time to time I still get caught in a gross distraction.

Meditation still feels great, though, even on day 100 (in base 8).

Extracurricular Stuff

No extracurriculars today. Quakecon at home gaming only, basically.

May make time tomorrow and the next day, however. Today I also drank a bit, and I don't think I'll drink quite as much tomorrow or the next day.

Daily Entry: August 6th, 2020

Meditation (Day 63)

Still good about having a habitual reminder to return to the breath when gross distractions take over. Today there was a bit more labeling of the distractions at one point, and it helped me maintain my directed attention. This feels more like growth in introspective attention rather than introspective awareness. But I think that it shall fade to wordless attention, like how my focus on the breath is now mostly wordless, and from there it can become perphiral awareness, like how my breath at the least stays in awareness (I'm pretty sure).

Extracurricular Stuff

Still doing call with friend thing. Might want to tackle some more Notion stuff today. Need to start gathering all the games I want to play.

Daily Entry: August 5th, 2020

Doing this log last thing in the day as I got carried away with other stuff throughout the day.

Meditation (Day 62)

Stayed still much more consistently today. Still a lot of gross distractions in a session, but introspective awareness is strong in little bouts, and those bouts were fairly numerous and long today.

Extracurricular Stuff

I did call with friend stuff, which is going well, and also I built a pull-up bar station, so hopefully I can get back into a pull up habit. Also, I think hanging leg lifts will be a back-friendly core exercise for me.

Daily Entry: August 4th, 2020

Meditation (Day 61)

This morning was an errand-heavy morning, so I didn't meditation until about 1400. I had some "didn't meditate yet" bits to my day until I finally sat down and meditated. Specifically, I had that headache that I noticed having early on when I started meditation, and then noticed went away.

I still have a bit of a headache, but now it's not nearly as bad, and I think it may be dehydration.

In any case, pretty sure stage 3 is still pretty strong, though gross distractions happen often enough that sometimes the introspective check-in fails, and maybe I forget the breath. Though it's important to note that often what brings me back to the breath is this background narration that I finally notice that's saying some variant of "focus on the breath". So perhaps I'm not forgetting, afterall. It seems that a distraction doesn't lead to more lately, but that I focus on the given distraction instead of on the breath, and also that my awareness gets a bit drowned out. Basically, I'm entering a tunnel-vision scenario, which is a different issue that probably needs a different solution.

Extracurricular Stuff

Not being as productive as I expected this vacation, but those were expectations, not goals. I'm actually pretty happy and proud that I'm not going overboard with my ability to "practice intentionality". Even if I don't "need" the time off, like I have before, there's still value in taking that time, and doing it mindfully.

This vacation isn't being lost to a Twitter relapse (though there was a bit of a close call there yesterday), or mindlessly watching what YouTube recommends. I'm watching and playing things on purpose. And I'm still being productive, but basically no more than the time I make for non-work things on workdays. Which is super solid. And possibly means that the new things I'm making time for may survive the return to work.

Daily Entry: August 3rd, 2020

Meditation (Day 60)

Had a lot of trouble with today's meditation. Distractions kept breaking through. Though my introspective alarm was constantly telling to return to the breath, and also I didn't get angry or frustrated.

Also, lower back been annoyed so I laid down for the first half. This may have been instructive for how my posture should feel. Halfway through I went back to sitting and it worked out pretty well.

By the end of the meditation I was in a pretty good place, and it still did its job very well, unlocking a bunch of energy and helping me gain the presence to "practice intentionality".

Extracurricular Stuff

Will do stuff with friend today and try to finish processing my weekly/monthly review items. As well as some Notion tasks that would be good to deal with this week off that I have.

Daily Entry: August 2nd, 2020

Meditation (Day 59)

Prime number day, woo. I think I failed to note the other prime number in the 50s (I think it's 53?).

Stopped adjusting my form, as planned, and went well enough that I didn't want to adjust my form at the halfway point, as I usually do. Though I was unable to stay still for the entire session, and I believe I switched legs with around 10 minutes remaining, and then I felt a very strong need to keep adjusting things.

Not sure if that means anything.

Extracurricular Stuff

Renting a car today and stuff, though I plan on still having call with friend I think. We'll see if there's time. There's going to be a driving adventure that'll eat up a solid chunk of the day.

Also, technically today is wife's day (we made yesterday my day as today is definitely not such a day), and that also typically means less time for extracurriculars. Still have some weekly and monthly review tasks to complete, as well.

Daily Entry: August 1st, 2020

Meditation (Day 58)

So, I adjust my form too much. Certain parts I've gotten very good at staying still, but my neck and shoulders I still mess with, though I think I've found a good place for them. I think it's time to try staying still, maybe at the half way mark when I switch leg positions I can do a quick neck/shoulders thing for a reset and to see if things seem fine.

It's becoming a significant distraction, and I don't think there's anything to worry about my posture right now. It's just a matter of getting used to staying still like I did for my legs and my back.

Extracurricular Stuff

Today is probably going to be weekly review and monthly review day. There'll be some organization of project space as part of the usual review, but likely not work on any extracurriculars. Except for a 15-minute session with a friend (we'll be doing programming questions together).

Staycation Starts Today

This coming week would've been Quakecon, but it was properly cancelled. They're doing a "Quakecon at Home" thing next weekend, and I'll participate.

This bit of time off will be my first large chunk of time off since I started meditating. I'm curious how that will affect it. I'm going to try to start some habits I think, but per my new project rule, none of them can be more than 15 minutes a day (hence the 15-minute call with friend) and they can only increase in length-per-day by 5 minutes each week (starting on a Sunday). This setup worked very well for meditation so I'd like to try to apply it to most new things.

Though, unlike meditation, there are some things I'd like to add to my list of things I do regularly, but not necessarily everyday. Maybe still a good idea to start with 15-minutes per day, but on Sundays I can remove it from some days as well as increase length, or something. Days don't have to be set in stone, either.

I'll play with it.

Further, this is a vacation, and originally a video-game oriented one. So, I'll be making sure there's a higher ratio of entertainment-to-productivity. And I'll add some gaming in there. Though I also want to add some books (quite to check out quite a few from the library for this week, even), especially since reading books everyday hasn't been a habit I've maintained successfully.

And maybe get one blog post in this week, too. Any of the ones I have listed in my blog area could be one to work on (most of them are just working titles right now, basically).

Dvorak?

Just hit this reminder in my Notion.... I was planning on switching to Dvorak after a year of Colemak (it has been two years). This wouldn't be a bad week to start, either....

I'll think about it. Will revisit Tuesday.

Daily Entry: July 31st, 2020

Meditation (Day 57)

Focused on stage 4 again today. Hit these really solid stretches, but also have various points where there's a lot coming at me or I find myself in a chain of distractions.

Still making progress, and meditation is still super valuable. Still helping me to "practice intentionality" on and off the cushion (though I've noted some things off the cushion that I'm starting to get tripped up on).

Didn't play with the meditation at all today, just tried to find a good posture and then stay as still as I could. Also trying to make sure that when I notice my posture needs modification that I do it mindfully and not automatically.

Extracurricular Stuff

Today I'm being as efficient as possible to get as much work done as possible. Thus, as planned, no extracurrricular stuff.