Daily Entry: September 6th, 2020


Intention (2230 the night before)

So.... A positive relationship with myself is more important than remembering as many dreams as possible. So, if I'm willing to try, I'd like to write down dream. Or write anything at all after waking up. Emotions, "I don't remember dream at all." Anything. But this isn't "required".

Thanks, future me. Don't push yourself too hard. No rush. We got lots of dreams ahead of us and all the time in the world to find a healthy way to access them to our fullest potential.

That in mind—reality check—What do I want? I think I'm curious about lucid dreaming. So, let's focus on that. Remember dreams. Write down. Lucidity. Repeat.

Dog, Antagonist, Hotel

I am walking with some people down a grassy field next to a road. There's a dog barking near us. "The dog only barks at gay people," says one of the people I'm with.

I look at the dog barking. They're a tiny pug. I look to where they're barking and it seems to be two men walking together. "That's nonsense," I say, "You must be projecting your own bias onto the dog."

There is protest from the dog's owner, who is amongst our group now. I decide I do not like this person.

Now, we're at a hotel. I still don't like this person, but I don't want to ruin their vacation. I check into my room. It is luxurious, big, with two entrances, a giant sink area with plenty of drawers next to one entrance and a to-the-ceiling mirror on one end, a large bath area next to the other, and a big bed in the middle between the two entrances. The bed has a fluffy, dark-red blanket. The walls, too, maybe were this same color to about chest height, where it then broke into the common wall-white.

I notice that room service is coming and I close and lock the doors. I start cleaning the hotel room a bit. I think I interact with the hotel staff but I don't remember how it when.

Now, I'm swimming at the hotel's pool.

That's all I remember.

Wake (logged at 0700 this morning)

Almost didn't remember anything again, but the dream above came to me. I've decided not to force it, though. If I'm tired, sleep, no WBTS. Though I will still set intent. There's an understanding though that it's a want and not a need and needs can come first. It doesn't have to happen, but I will still set the intention and try to make it a mantra as I fall asleep.

Meditation (Day 93)

Intentions for the day:

  • Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
  • Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
  • Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
  • Before adjusting posture, count 8 breaths
  • Learn the various different ways I have to guide myself back to the breath
    • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
  • Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
  • During planned attention away from breath, keep breath in awareness

No body-scan again today. Going to focus on not moving and see what happens "automatically".


First time posture was only a subtle distraction (though as I get further into stage 4 I may increase strictness on that definition). Body feels really good today. Focusing on including my core in all my actions (even typing right now I'm seeing what happens flexing my core and stuff).

Today may have been the most stillness I have achieved. Gross distractions were sufficiently limited. Breath wasn't the most vivid for the most time, however, which is interesting. I would think the two things would be tightly inversely correlated. Though, I guess I also maybe had more subtle dullness than usual.

Boredom showed up again, and I greeted it kindly. I was very happy to see it come, meant distractions were not as in charge again. Looking forward to developing a relationship with boredom. It's something I often do not encounter, I think due to my ADHD. Even when I successfully avoided external browsing, my internal mind was quite capable of keeping boredom at bay.


Okay, today I'll start SkillShare.


(I did not start SkillShare today)