Dream

Intention (2300 the night before)

Same deal. Write in journal on wake. Remember dreams. Lucid dream. Let's go.

Ghost in the Wire

Waited too long. It's gone. All I remember is the end.

"Where do we get our power from?" I ask.

"I set it up," the con man says, a realization dawning on his face.

I do not believe the coffee dream had anything to do with this, but perhaps they were the same dream.

The Coffee Dream

I am waiting in line at Starbucks, but the line is way too long. I decide to go to a different coffee place. But the coffee is clearly bad at this other place. I see a woman get her drink, and the espresso is completely clear, as though it were water, and not mixed with the drink at all. "Where are the strawberries?" the woman asks.

I realize I've been here before, but the layout is all different. This place is near my orthodontist, I determine, but I haven't been in a while, I tell myself. I go exploring.

That's all I remember.

Potentially, a friend is with me, and we end up travelling into the "Ghost in the Wire" dream, but I'm not entirely sure.

Wake (logged at 0750 this morning)

Seems if I don't properly consider WBTS as something to intend, then it definitely won't occur. Either that or I'm extra tired lately (also very possible). Very interesting, none-the-less. I may try setting intention to WBTS and see what happens. In any case, had 2 dreams I remember, but could've remembered more, but choosing sleep is valid.

Again, there's not a rush here, and I still feel a lot of progress. Like, to have any bit of the dream to write down is a lot of progress, and I rarely miss a night. So, we'll let things evolve in a healthy manner and play with my options and see where we go.

Pre-nap (1352)

Been a while since I took a nap. I remember it being good for stabilization over sleep overall. Perhaps my lack of napping is causing my inability to do as much dream stuff.

That'd be nice, as I also think napping is a good means of practice.

I think hypnagogic distortions are likely today. Think it'll be good practice for trying to write in journal on "waking up". So, not going to guide my nap "dreams" today, just practice waking up. Maybe also practice reality checks in the hypnagogic state.

Post-nap (1410)

I successfully did a reality check before going to this journal to write. Taking a moment to really feel gratitude for that.

Post-naps are going to become me trying to recite the nap experience like I would a dream.

So, at first there is a non-hypnagogic wandering of thoughts. Can't remember of what. I bring myself to breath and then focus on my body.

Then, I visualize visiting an old dream (blue burgers). I realize the layout of the space resembles an old apartment the wife lived in in 2011.

I use this accidental revisiting of dreams to try to go to last night's dream to see if I can remember more of it. I do visit the dream, but remember nothing more.

My mind drifts to practicing Super Smash Bros. Melee. Trying to multishine with Falco (don't worry if you don't know what any of that means, just means I'm trying an advanced technique in the game). My mind wanders then to how I could start practicing this in matches. Visualize just regularly trying it during the natural, tiny bits of downtime in game (say when an opponent is respawning).

I feel my body really relax. I notice a swirling of abstract shapes and colors in my vision (not visualizing). I see if I can make these colors and shapes into something more solid and recognizable. I can not.

Dullness starts to fade. I can feel myself waking completely. I rehearse what I remember and decide the layout of what to write in journal before moving. Several times I hear something remind me to do a reality check, and I tell myself that I can plan writing first without worry, but I should do it as soon as I start moving.

I take sheet off my body, do reality check, and write this. I really like the whole process. Will try to make this a daily habit.

Meditation (Day 94)

Intentions for the day:

• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Before adjusting posture, count 8 breaths
• Learn the various different ways I have to guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Body-scan in the beginning and latter half of meditation
• During planned attention away from breath, keep breath in awareness

Today I will once-again add back in the two body scans.

Post-Meditation

Today was new best day. Which I honestly did not expect as I was very groggy this morning. Man, meditation is so magical. Feel so great now. Still going to go for meditation walk, but it'll be walk with wife so I'm going to jot down some sitting notes now.

Breath went vivid very quickly. Reciting intentions helping a lot. Reviewing intentions when I initialize my diary is helping, too. I decide well before prep what my intentions are, and then prep whilst sitting and reinforce the importance of the intent by invoking my memory.

Breath was so vivid I considered not doing body-scan, as the purpose is to improve attention further, and I thought it was as strong as it would be. But, because of set intention, I did it anyway, and it was like going another level deeper. I really looked carefully at my foot, then both feet, and then upward until I hit the waist. It was a narration-free focus. No iterating through the elements (though I still felt the various elements a bit, I think). The breath is still very hard to notice below the waist. I think I feel it, but am still unsure if I really do.

The last few body-scans, I actually went through whole body before feeling a greater focus and returning to the breath, but the waist was all that I needed and the breath was more vivid than it has ever been.

I was also really close to no gross distractions as I currently define them. I feel more and more that I will make the definition more strict, but still, I am distinctly more capable of keeping my attention on target. Further, awareness felt strong too, both of external stimuli and internal things on the periphery.

Found a better way to sit on the cushion so that my leg doesn't fall asleep. I have also noted that back aggravation comes in two flavors: poor back posture and my hip flexibility being limited for my current leg position and thus a building tension creeps up my leg into my back. I don't think the latter is much to worry about, it's really just a 45-minute stretch that I notice after 3 months has really improved my hip flexibility. Which probably helps in areas outside meditation (though also I may be close to meditation in full lotus, which would be fun).

The "answer" of treating it like an itch and continuing to stay still seemed very correct today. Though we'll see how my back feels throughout the rest of today and when I wake up tomorrow.

Experimental

Okay! Today I will start SkillShare!

(Once again, I did not start SkillShare)