Dream

Intention (2220 the night before)

Want to try for WBTS. Again, trust me-in-the-now, but letting future me know that current me wants to give it a go.

Also, would like to write down dreams in journal., and do some "Wake" writing again.

(Been writing dreams straight into Notion lately, which isn't great for the "Write at least a sentence" compromise habit I'm trying to build.)

Let's go for DILD/WILD!

Let's eat some dream donuts!

Wake (logged at 0820 this morning)

Had a dream I remembered (around 0200), but went back to sleep (it was "too early" for WBTS) without writing the dream down.

Meditation (Day 118)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation (1900)

Played with intentions today. Some of the ones I've deleted I still go through, but they're pretty ingrained at this point and don't feel necessary. I may readd them if I change my mind.

I have made my "gross" distraction qualifier stricter. If I don't notice it when it immediately starts being in attention instead of awareness, then the breath was de facto in awareness and the distraction was gross.

Further, that I can avoid gross distractions via certain visualization and auralization (playing back the breath in my mind) is not, I think, good enough. I believe I can connect the breath even without these things. They are useful tools, mind you, but the goal should be a quiet mind taking in all that it can of the breath. I think.

In which case, this feeling populated during my sit, and I decided to only use my techniques like I do with counting: to help settle the mind. Otherwise, the goal is the sensation of the breath at the nose.

With this intent in mind, distractions had more opportunity, and with my stricter settings, more gross distractions occurred. This was momentarily frustrating, but then noticing I was frustrated was super interesting, and then I took it to be a sign of progress I can make. From there, I worked on trying to find the moment that a distraction entered attention.

These distractions don't take me by surprise, so they must be in my awareness before entering attention. So, then, it must be like the feeling of my big toe, or of my tongue, something that I can become aware of with any kind of trigger. Further, it's something that I really want to pay attention to, as they enter attention very quickly.

So, then, practicing the skill of stage 2 ("be happy when you notice a distraction"), I would note the distraction as gross and guide myself to the breath. Then, going a step further, I thanked stage 3 (often there's a little "focus on the breath" that helps me notice a distraction taking over), and further reinforced stage 4 (introspective awareness).

The reflection distraction today was the realization that external distractions do not steal my attention, but internal ones do. This must mean I have something wired to keep those distractions in awareness. And in fact, I find it pretty safe to iterate through my external distractions when doing an introspective check-in. But internal ones are either hard to find or are very dangerous to interact with.

So, I think perhaps them being more readily available in awareness is important, and also I think I got a lot out of trying to find the moment that a distraction entered awareness. Feels like it's really strengthening my introspective awareness.

Even with the stricter rules: only 4 distinct gross distractions occurred: posture, memories, reflection, and politics. The political one alone triggered several times, though.

Which is to say that though I don't think I'll be checking stage 4 as mastered this Sunday, I very well may do so the following Sunday. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Experimental

Okay, so I've been trying doing a bit of "work-work" before doing maintenance stuff, and... it doesn't work. It's bad. I need to do the maintenance first to center myself. I'm doing less work the way I'm doing it, even if time-tracking shows more hours. Need to sharpen the blade before I use it!

To that end, I'll be doing meditation every morning again, and maybe a short one at 1600 to reset and/or do a special meditation. This will also make joing the work session everyday possible.

Naps are also super important.

General Thinking

Last day of the month. Crazy.