Meditation (Day 132)

Prep (1730)

Late meditation today. Had to keep rescheduling it due to opslead. That I was prioritizing it, but then letting it slip did let me maintain a good headspace. I used some "exclusive attention" skill-building techniques during regular work. Decide what I'm doing on purpose, even if really a sudden distraction came along. Certain distractions are defined as more important than what I am doing.

Motivations:

• Practice intentionality
• Exclusive attention
• See what the higher stages are like
• Unity of mind
• Overcoming the illusion of self

Intentions for the day:

• Eyes closed today (reading on the "inner light" and how it happens to those who meditate with eyes closed makes me want to at least alternate if not switch entirely)
• Prep posture until ready to set intention to sit still, then set that intention
• Body-scan as part of movement to exclusive focus on breath
• Body-scan as practicing exclusive focus on breath
• Keep awareness strong so it can stop distractions and dullness from interfering
• Specifically be aware of posture and do not give it attention
• Do not feed distractions with attention (even with labeling now), instead just list the ones you remember during post-meditation reflection
• Increase scope of breath attention to more body parts to help subdue subtle distractions

Distractions to look out for:

• Cardcaptor Sakura
• Wife
• Cat
• Outside
• Pain
• Shoulder
• Lower back
• Posture
• Memories
• Reflection
• Work (general)
• Slack
• Swallowing
• Timer

Let's sit down and meditate!

Post-Meditation (1930)

My confidence about being in stage 5/stage 6 territory grows. Closed eyes was also quite interesting. There was this strange bluish light. Not sure if induced after reading about the "inner light". Will play with it further for a bit, I think.

I am very paranoid about dullness, which I think is maybe fine as I settle into exclusionary attention. Got to make sure I'm not shutting out awareness but merely keeping things in peripheral awareness. I regularly checked the vividness of the breath, and also checked whether or not introspection was in awareness or peripheral awareness (not quite the right way to put it, but I'll find the right words as time comes).

Breath was almost always vivid except for the really confusing bit with the eyes seeing a bluish light and I felt like breath was losing vividness but it was all a bit different. May have been a stage 6 milestone, may have been hypnagogy (though it didn't seem like it). Did a stage 5 body-scan and things returned to normal... which either fixed dullness or pulled me out of exclusive attention.

Which is all to say I'm in interesting territory and it's fine to make mistakes and stuff. I'm learning, after all!

General Thinking

I'll digitize the dream journal stuff below tomorrow.

....

Changed my mind. Doing it now before bed.

Dream

Intention (2300 the night before)

I am starting to suspect that parts of the mind that provide the dream content to me are trying to help the mind responsible for lucidity.

Lots of me noticing things are strange. Even a dream that had me check my watch twice for non-dream reasons.

There isn't much to act on here, I don't think. I believe it's a sign of progress and to keep at it.

Watch myself fall asleep. WBTS. WILD. Incubate strawberry donuts. Wake up at 0710.

Invalid ID and No Passport ;_;

I am at an airport. I have landed for my layover, before I get on my flight to Japan. The TSA agent looks at my driver's license and sees a bunch wrong with it.

While he's going over the ID, I notice another one in my wallet. But it both looks like the old style and says it's from the future. I wonder when I got a joke ID.

"This is the wrong date, your name is misspelled, and somehow I'm the person who signed off on this ID... in 1991?" he rattles off.

"Then it's your fault," I say indignantly. He clips my ID, making it void.

Despair waves over me. Then I really I only need my passport anyways. Then I realize I forgot it. Another wave. I think I'm crying, "It's fine, I just won't go to Japan."

Dream Fragment

I'm racing some people to the exit. I think it's a train station. I'm very confused on how to escape the maze-like structure.

Wake (logged at 0740 this morning)

I vaguely remember a chance for WBTS, but just went back to sleep.

Again, the dream I remembered seems to have tried to tell me I was dreaming (the second ID in wallet).

Pre-nap (1428)

Late nap, but I can fit it in!

Just going to go straight to nap. Nothing special to consider today, I don't think.

Post-nap (1450)

Skipped on wake-up.