Dream

So, there's an evolving routine where I wake up and remember my dream. This time I kept playing it back to myself in the hopes that it'd stick. It did not. There was also a conversation with myself about whether or not I should go write it down. I didn't make that decision, but perhaps I will soon.

Meditation (Day 74)

Today was another solid day. There was one major readjustment to posture and several minor ones. Trying to make a rule to know for sure that I did it "on purpose" or mindfully or what-have-you. Which is to mind-narrate doing it before I do it. Which I did not manage today, so I didn't do it mindfully.

But still, hit some really good stage 4. Think by the end of this month I might be able to get into stage 4 pretty quickly and stay there for the 45 minutes.

Extracurricular Stuff

Music with wife and call with friend today. Not sure if I'll do anything else. Didn't do my weekly review over the weekend, so I'll need to do some of that.

I'm on pagerduty this week, as well, which may interfere.

Meditation (Day 73)

The second of a pair prime!

Today wasn't as solid as yesterday, but still real good. Still developing automatic habits with distractions. Seems I notice them before they become gross, but certain ones are very tempting, and that's what I have trouble with.

Extracurricular Stuff

Weekends may just end up being mostly maintenance here? And also, you know, gaming and relaxing and the general properties of what a mini-vacaction is.

I dusted a solid amount of my desk, but now I need to clean my computer. Which I may just do right now.

Dream

There has been dream log opportunity for the last 3 days straight, and I even had a nap opportunity today.

Hopefully, the book I'll read soon will give me some solid advice that starts a consistent habit.

Meditation (Day 72)

Today may have been the most solid day yet? Lots of meditative check-ins and labeling to regularly incur a continuous introspective awareness.

I may soon have a day wherein I've achieved stage 4 (the vigilant introspective awareness) for the majority of the session.

Which means more reading of The Mind Illuminated will become basically necessary for further growth, probably.

Extracurricular Stuff

The friend and the wife both want to take the weekend off from the respective extracurriculars I do with them. Though, with the wife we found an alternative, of which I spent my maximum time of 15 minutes (counts as a new project). Recording may only be 15 minutes when it resumes, as I want to practice new skills/tools until it isn't super awkward to do tasks.

I have a variety of tasks I always move to the weekend that I'll try to adhere to before doing anything else today. One thing I've moved to the weekend and then not done for maybe months now is "clean desk" and "clean computer".

So, I'll try to make sure I do both those today.

I will, however, spend some time now to do some organized writing.

....

Wrote a lot. Will maybe read it over and edit it tomorrow.

Dream

Had a vivid dream that I could've remembered had I written it down upon waking up.... It's something I'll take serious in a week or so when I start reading the lucid dreaming book.

Meditation (Day 71)

Prime number day, woo! The first of a prime-pair, too. That's fun.

Today's 45 minutes were split into 2 for flexibility reasons, and also because I hadn't been going to the work meditation meetings, but I find them to be valuable to do every once in a while.

Overall, solid. Progress is slow, but happening, and meditation still feels great. It also almost certainly unlocks a greater capability to "practice intentionality" for the rest of the day, which I much appreciate.

Extracurricular Stuff

I ended up having a moment of what I'd call lucidity and wrote some poetry about it yesterday. Today's plan is the same as yesterday's, just music with wife and call with friend, but maybe inspiration will hit me?

Mainly hoping to get some work done before the weekend starts, though.

Dream

There was a lot of dreaming last night, but I've lost most of it. I know there was something about King of the Hill, there being a New York band or something coming to a school and performing, and the Hill family being made fun of in some very surreal way.

Meditation (Day 70)

Didn't stay still as well as yesterday, but better than any other day. About half of the movements were done mindfully. Still noticed that, just like scratching an itch, addressing the area that was aggravated by changing position didn't fix the issue. Though I do think that I found better posture by doing this. I'm definitely noticing settling into a stabler posture sooner each meditation.

Less fixing was necessary today than most days, for example.

I'm in a different stage with distractions than before, I'm pretty sure. Not sure when this transition took place, but now it's less realizing I'm distracted, and more actually guiding myself back to the breath and away from a successfully interesting distraction. Several times I could hear the "focus on the breath" reminder in the back of my head, but still travelled along the distraction.

I know that The Mind Illuminated mentions this kind of challenge (in the stage 4 chapter, I'm pretty sure). I may want to review that part.

Extracurricular Stuff

Lots of meetings today, and really want to deploy some code. So, again, just music and call with friend.

Dream

Once again had a dream. Went to remember it several times and succeeded, but then never wrote it down and by now it's gone. Think I'll take making serious time for the dream book when I get it from the library.

Meditation (Day 69)

Stayed still to an even greater success today. No major readjustments. Only slight stuff, and even those I managed to resist a solid amount of the time.

Extracurricular Stuff

Tonight is anime night, and I have errands to run, and work to get done. So, just the call with friend today (I guess music with wife is also a thing, but I don't count that for some reason).

Dream

Had a dream but neglected to remember it. I have a book on hold at the library now, though. A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming. I'll be getting it soon. Perhaps it'll unlock better dreaming habits like The Mind Illuminated did for meditation.

Meditation (Day 68)

I continue to make incremental progress. Nothing reall new to add here.

Extracurricular Stuff

Still focusing on maintenance and call with friend. Will be doing personal/emotional writing when I make time for more, though. That writing will be shared, but with loved ones.

Meditation (Day 67)

Another prime number day, woo!

Removing body-scanning from my daily meditations has been good for my stage 4 (make introspective awareness continuous) development, I think. A part of my meditation prep is to decide before I sit down whether or not to do a body-scan.

I think maybe I'll add them back in soon, but also maybe I'll play with a similar concept, but focus on my posture, which I still am struggling with for two reasons. 1) I think it actually needs fixing (I'm still finding a healthy posture via some amount of trial and error), and 2) I'm too quick to assume that 1 is true in a given moment. So what I'm working on is really making adjustment of posture purposeful, and I've found that in one case what happened was very similar to the start of a body-scan.

So, I'm working on stopping my automatic adjustments, trying to treat the impulse just like I would an itch, but following up with it because unlike an itch the impulse doesn't always go away, and also can grow in intensity. So, as the book recommends, I'll switch to focusing on the aching part of my body and make it the meditation object, and only after I notice a strong intensity of attention will I adjust my position and then return to the breath.

This should help me get to the next stage of a stable posture. Though I have made great gains here, I readjust way less often, and I keep my leg position for the entire 45 minutes now. I'm really happy with my progress, is what I'm saying, even though I reflect quite a bit on what I want to work on.

Meditation continues to be amazing, and I'm really happy that I maintained it through my week staycation.

Extracurricular Stuff

Got a lot of work stuff to catch up on today, and various weekend chores that I put off to today to enjoy the last couple days of staycation. I'll still have call with friend, but otherwise will focus on maintenance stuff (and catching up at work).

Meditation (Day 66)

Once again kept pose for entire 45 minutes. Feels like a new milestone. Regularly getting long bouts of solid focus. Kinda feels like an intense fire in my head (in the same place where the headache used to be).

Extracurricular Stuff

Might skip this stuff today. It's last day of staycation and Quakecon at home.

Dream

Dreamt I went and saw a remake of... some movie at the theatre. Then my being in the theatre merged with the movie's story. There were priests at the theatre, and the main character got attacked with some sort of soul-stealing dagger, which transformed his face into a heavy-makeup KISS-member lookalike.

I then tried to drive home in a truck that was a lot like the truck I rented two months ago (black, with backseat area with own doorway entrance). It was like I was driving from the backseat, and my wife got in the way to ask me something. And then I woke up to my wife asking me if I was awake, as apparently I was sleeping with my eyes open. Her position and pose was the same as it was in my dream.

Meditation (Day 65)

Today I kept my pose the entire 45 minutes. Afterwards, my left leg below the knee was completely without feeling, but feeling came back very quickly (within like 5 steps I could more-or-less walk normally).

I'm more cofindent after today that my introspective attention is getting better and more automatic, and still think that this is the path to constant introspective awareness. Still a lot of gross distractions, but it seems that as soon as my attention leaves the breath, I have this "focus on the breath" chant start in the background, similarly to how a song can be stuck in my head playing in the background.

Extracurricular Stuff

So, I'm going to try to do extracurricular stuff today, but ASAP. Today is another quakecon at home day, and there may in fact be just as much drinking today as there was yesterday.