Argument Obsession

04/22/15

I used to care more about winning arguments than being right. I've talked about it before, and also briefly mentioned it. I believe that that part of me is mostly gone, and so when people bring up the past to tell me I love to argue now, it angers me a bit.

But worse than that is the argumentative habit. When someone brings up something I disagree with, and I feel the need to correct them, even when I know the discussion will be draining and fruitless, and not really much of a discussion. Today I was triggered into it, and I successfully managed to bind my fingers, but I couldn't stop thinking about what was said.

At first, it felt like I wasn't affect by what was said. It was like an injection of slow-acting poison: the inital poke felt like nothing, but the delivered toxin spread to vital areas and maintained an attack that affected me deeply..

Last time this happened, I eventually sent a response, but I got back exactly what I expected, and see no reason why it won't happen again. This time, I have to channel that defensive energy to something I can profit from, spirtiually if not financially.

And so, I'm writing this post, and I'm trying to derail my thoughts whenever they come upon this topic, and instead think about things I want to accomplish and how. I am not sure if training myself to derail or distract from something is good, though.

Perhaps I should see a therapist about such things. Seek guidance in knowing myself. It would in no way hurt me financially to do so.

I'll probably seriously look into it soon.