Timeblock

Meditation (Day 18)

Another bit of resistance this morning! "Ugh, if I'm just going to sit still for 30 minutes, why not lay in bed some more?" I resisted this urge, and am again very glad that I did. Normally by now I'd be super exhausted, what with hours of errands, and driving about the town. But instead there's this slight weight.

Specifically, it's that headache that I think was always there before and I only noticed when it was gone. Just a slight feeling of tightness or pressure around the head. It's also something I can recover from now, I've found. Though the later in the day, the less I can recover. Well, I can still kind of recover, but I can't return back to doing any real kind of work, I don't think.

I have resituated myself during meditation. I used to sit and stare towards my desk. This was fine, as there was this lovely patch of blue wall that my vision centered on. But I found that my posture was poor for this (head tilted too far up). Fixing this led to looking at some black drawers. Even though they're not my attention, they're in my awareness, which I'm supposed to maintain.

To fix this, I simply turned around to face a mirror. This lets me check my pose early on, and then I basically have a cool view of the whole room. The main problem is seeing myself can be a distraction, but I think I can get used to it. Yesterday morning, it was a bit difficult, but this morning I didn't have much of an issue.

I believe one of the symptoms of progressive subtle dullness that I can easily notice is my vision getting wonky. This morning, for instance, the color drained from my vision, and my hands (the point that I stare at) melted into my bright-white shirt. This happened several times. A simple blink would return my vision to normal.

At some point I'll follow this strange sensation and see how far it goes, but it'll have to be a special meditation session, not the morning one,