Okay, full week of work back with the more effective "maintenance-first" setup. Let's get some work done this week!

Dream

Have a lot of dream journal stuff written down, but spent more time on entertainment than I should've, and want to keep good sleep hygiene, so I'll digitize it tomorrow.

Intention (2250 the night before)

Well-rested.... Might be a good dreaming night. Going to really set the WBTS and WILD intentions tonight. Even setting a 0400 alarm.

I liked my jotted down compromise notes this morning. Really feels like cementing a habit. Gives me a thread to a mostly forgotten fabric.

Let's have some dream strawberry donuts.

Cosplaying Superheroes

I am cosplaying Link. I join a superhero group consisting of people cosplaying video game characters. At one point I pass a person cosplaying Twilight Princess Link in the Zora tunic.

I make friends with a fellow newbie. I get fired or quit my job. I discuss with newbie what he wants. He wants to be a YouTuber. I laugh, but explain I'm not putting him down. "I respect it." I have faxed my resume over to some government contractor company.

Wake (logged at 0735 this morning)

Remembered a pretty interesting dream. Slept through WBTS alarm. Still pretty tired, I guess.

Pre-nap (1350)

I think I'll go with what I did during yesterday's nap. I like the "focus on work" naps, but I think I need more... nap experience before I do them each workday (think I'll still do them once a week, though).

Post-nap (1415)

I recite my intentions. Getting to "I will incubate a dream about strawberry donuts," I decide to do just that. I visualize making the donuts. Ideas come to me. Filling the donuts with jam. Other fruits. Grape frosting? Maple frosting? Long Johns? Starting a cafe a long, long time from now (for fun, wouldn't expect it to even break even).

Some other thinking comes to me. Politics. Ballots. I return to donuts. My body is very relaxed. A bit of hypnagogic vision seeps in. I try to see a donut. Almost feel I can.

I feel some aches melt away. I embrace dullness. More donut thinking.

Eventually, I decide to get up. No conscious reflection while laying down. Straight to notebook.

Meditation (Day 123)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention
• Body-scan (one time) when few distractions and when focus not as vivid as could be

Post-Meditation

Return of the body scan! Decided it's good when I notice that my focus not as vivid as it could be.

Experimental

I think I'm trying out an old schedule for a bit. Mainly, want to get meditation done before work begins. Felt really powerful today, will continue it tomorrow.

General Thinking

Haven't missed a day reading in a while, but again, will prioritize sleep hygiene today. Already going to bed later than I want, but I have to get some strteches in, at least.

Eh, will get at least ten minutes of reading in, after all. Dream stuff still will be digitized from notebook tomorrow.

Want to do some experimental thinking today.

Dream

Intention (1115 the night before)

Actually did some good journal habits today. Let's keep that up. Thanks, past and future me. Haven't been able to incubate. I think I'll stick with trying on the strawberry donuts.

See you at WBTS.

Forgotten Sci-Fi Dreams

(I have very little recollection of these dreams at this point, but will share what I jotted down in my journal.)

Dream anchor.

AI, elevator, Spongebob. Sci-fi. N=1

Different dream. Some kind of sci-fi. Star Wars dream.

If I could draw there are maybe some scenes I could recreate, but I have no idea how to describe it in words. The aesthetic is the important bit. The texture.

These are the sort of dreams I'm building this habit for. I have this slight melancholy from not properly saving it. It was really hard to keep in my mind at the time, though. Practice. Also, it's like temporary friends. Totally valid.

Pre-nap (1435)

Think I'll focus on fun today. Just rest and see what comes at me.

Post-nap (1525)

Had a nice, long nap and my mind went to a lot of places. Good times.

Meditation (Day 122)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation

I'm at the point now where I don't think there's going to be something worthwhile to say every session. Only so many times I can say, "Meditation always good." And the problems I'm encountering aren't always unique.

I may make a checklist of things to verify if happened or not (gross distraction, noticing dullness, overall stillness, etc). These things will just be data gathered in Notion, however, so I might not always have this post-meditation reflection.

Which is good, I think. Already have a lot of writing saved in various drafts in Notion on meditation topics. Less day-to-day writing will mean I can have some time to review those saved thoughts and start organizing them into the topic at hand.

Experimental

I had considered making today a workday and trying out a "Weekend Tuesday", but it didn't go that way. Had too much maintenance stuff to catch up on from the failed schedule mutation.

Dream

Intention (2350 the night before)

Late to bed.... Wonder how that'll affect dreams.

Incubate eating donuts. WBTS when randomly wake up during night. Write in journal.

Thank you, future-me

Wake-Back-to-Sleep (logged at 0320 this morning)

Do not think remember dream. Trying donut incubation.

Wake (logged at 0700 this morning)

No dreams remembered. These things happen. Possibly poor sleep hygiene.

Pre-nap (1355)

Weekend! Which means a non-work-focused nap. So, I'm writing by pen and paper this pre-nap. So, then, what do I want to point the mind toward?

I haven't tried vague themes, yet. "Show me what I need to see?" could be interesting. Let's see what happens.

Post-nap (1417)

So, what did my mind show me? Do I still want to write it out in present tense, like reciting a dream? Yes.

I recite my intentions. This grounds me in intent and settles my mind.

• Reality check when
  • cat
  • food
  • water
  • journal
  • conflict
  • lucidity
  • call out
• WBTS in middle of night
• incubate dream
• Reflect and write in journal

And then, finally, "Show me what I need to see." Lots of politics, perhaps unsurprisingly. Starting a business, a bit more surprising. Start off hiring diversity, or momentum will be hard to overcome later.

Get Canadian paperwork in order. I'm working on this.

Start participating in organizing. Figure out how to help without adding COVID19 risk.

Relax and heal. Become stronger in this pursuit. Make all benevolent participants gain more than they lose. Focus on form and distance, and progress will come. Systemic problems require building new systems, cultivating them, and having them replace the old.

Meditation (Day 121)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation

Another solid day. Another reminder that meditation is super worthwhile. Wasn't feeling great. As instinct, I stopped what I was doing and decided to see if meditation would make me feel better. It did. Feel real good.

Need to make sure meditation is a consistent part of my morning again.

I may start putting in body scanning again soon. I think I am lacking the stamina to maintain the introspective awareness and the vividness of breath for the whole 45 minutes. Hence the gross distractions. I did in fact notice the dullness today and applied the antidote, gave me a huge come back. Need to strengthen my mind further for the awareness, vividness combo that feels so powerful.

But also I'm still learning a lot not doing that.... I think by next Sunday, if I haven't hit where I want to be in stage 4, I'll add back in the body-scanning (even though it's a stage 5 training device).

General Thinking

Got a lot of errands to run this weekend.

Felt the momentum come back yesterday. Today should be good.

Dream

Intention (2255 the night before)

If awake enough to consider writing, do some writing!

WBTS on one of these wake ups.

Bed time.

Wake (logged at 0700 this morning)

Laying down. Seeing if dreams come back to me. Have the hynagogic thoughts again.

I believe I had a Mario Kart racing dream.

Mario Kart Racing

I am karting on the race track near Princess Peach's castle. In the N64 version of this race track you can explore outside the castle. I feel like it isn't possible in this version.

A racer bumps me into an area, triggering a long cut scene, causing me to get dead-last in the race.

Pre-nap (1235)

Think of work. Think of task at hand and what's left. Will look over and list it.

Okay, done. Let's nap!

Post-nap (1256)

Success. This weekend we'll focus on non-work things (and experiment a bit as well).

Meditation (Day 120)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation

Almost another best day, but I maybe burned myself out with too much attention and awareness. However, did a good job keeping the distractions from cascading, even as I think I struggled a bit with dullness. Solid day. Feeling somewhat likely that by next weekend I'll be considering stage 4 "mastered" (though really I expect some gross distractions here and there for quite a while).

Once I'm done reading Shape-Up, I'll need to read a few more chapters of the Mind Illuminated.

Experimental

Good to be back to maintenance in the morning. Will need to decide on next experiment this weekend.

General Thinking

Today was pretty good, but didn't make time for all the things.

Okay! The goal today is resetting habits to do maintenance stuff first thing.

Dream

Intention (2300 the night before)

Even though I didn't remember a dream last night, there were things to learn from the night, so it was a success.

1. If awake enough to consider WBTS, do WBTS
2. Reinforce writing in notebook if awake enough to consider writing in notebook
3. Writing things down does, in fact, reinforce.

So, to reinforce my intentions:

• reality check in dream
• WBTS when wake-up in night
• incubate donut dream
• try WILD after WBTS
• practice watching self fall asleep right now

Sleep time!

Wake-Back-to-Sleep (logged at 0440 this morning)

No dreams explicitly remembered. Got some vague hypnagogy in head, but unsure if belong to dream.

No, then, can I WILD into a dream about a donut?

Learning Fighting Structures

I am training in a martial art. I learn thing by adding it as an index in data structure. I wonder what'll happen to all the data when I quit.

That's all I remember.

Trying to Get Joker's Attention

I am in the Batman universe. I am trying to get the attention of the Joker or Harley Quinn. I get the attention of people who'd rather I stop.

There's a man (whom I love? romantically?) that this is really all about. He's singing in a choir at church. After he's done, he goes to the roof. I try to get up there to talk to him but I fail. My hands grab the edge of the roof but I can't pull myself up.

That's all I remember.

Wake (logged at 0700 this morning)

Success! There's more to both dreams. I think there were some interesting conversations, but I don't remember them at all. I think the Joker was there at some point, smiling with a missing tooth.

There's a chance I was Harley Quinn at some point, as well.

Pre-nap (1408)

Again, think about work. Don't think I have any prep I want to do, nor time for that prep.

Post-nap (1427)

Thought about work stuff as planned. Saved in work-only area.

Meditation (Day 119)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation (1700)

New best day, again, I think. Even with my "strict" rule, sometimes it's hard to tell. I'm noticing a "Focus on the breath" as a distraction comes up, but sometimes the distraction lingers.... But is that an awareness or an attention thing? I'm going to be not strict here and say awareness until future sessions reveal otherwise.

A memory from a long time ago resurfaced today. I was playing FFXI. I was "pulling". I pulled the wrong monster. I was super embarrassed. This happened during a relatively long bit of not having any distractions try to enter attention.

There are also these distractions, I put them all under reflection, but they are a "reflective binding" of two memories playing back. Like, today I read this blog post reviewing a book advocating for open borders (as well as this article that agrees with the idea but not all the argument of the book), and watched a video about climate change. My mind thought about the creation of new cities for countries processing a large influx of immigrants that were designed to be maximally efficient and minimize carbon output (both during construction and during day-to-day functions).

The alarm caught both of these distractions all the same, which is pretty exciting.

Also, it seems like it may behoove me to start making time for analytical meditations. That's basically what is happening with the "reflective binding".

Today was also the most still I've been, I think. The only thing that happened was relaxing, which I anticipate will happen less as I get better at it.

Experimental

Feels good to be back to maintenance as the first thing. Head is clearer. Things are sharper.

Dream

Intention (2220 the night before)

Want to try for WBTS. Again, trust me-in-the-now, but letting future me know that current me wants to give it a go.

Also, would like to write down dreams in journal., and do some "Wake" writing again.

(Been writing dreams straight into Notion lately, which isn't great for the "Write at least a sentence" compromise habit I'm trying to build.)

Let's go for DILD/WILD!

Let's eat some dream donuts!

Wake (logged at 0820 this morning)

Had a dream I remembered (around 0200), but went back to sleep (it was "too early" for WBTS) without writing the dream down.

Meditation (Day 118)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Try to catch a distraction as it enters awareness and/or attention

Post-Meditation (1900)

Played with intentions today. Some of the ones I've deleted I still go through, but they're pretty ingrained at this point and don't feel necessary. I may readd them if I change my mind.

I have made my "gross" distraction qualifier stricter. If I don't notice it when it immediately starts being in attention instead of awareness, then the breath was de facto in awareness and the distraction was gross.

Further, that I can avoid gross distractions via certain visualization and auralization (playing back the breath in my mind) is not, I think, good enough. I believe I can connect the breath even without these things. They are useful tools, mind you, but the goal should be a quiet mind taking in all that it can of the breath. I think.

In which case, this feeling populated during my sit, and I decided to only use my techniques like I do with counting: to help settle the mind. Otherwise, the goal is the sensation of the breath at the nose.

With this intent in mind, distractions had more opportunity, and with my stricter settings, more gross distractions occurred. This was momentarily frustrating, but then noticing I was frustrated was super interesting, and then I took it to be a sign of progress I can make. From there, I worked on trying to find the moment that a distraction entered attention.

These distractions don't take me by surprise, so they must be in my awareness before entering attention. So, then, it must be like the feeling of my big toe, or of my tongue, something that I can become aware of with any kind of trigger. Further, it's something that I really want to pay attention to, as they enter attention very quickly.

So, then, practicing the skill of stage 2 ("be happy when you notice a distraction"), I would note the distraction as gross and guide myself to the breath. Then, going a step further, I thanked stage 3 (often there's a little "focus on the breath" that helps me notice a distraction taking over), and further reinforced stage 4 (introspective awareness).

The reflection distraction today was the realization that external distractions do not steal my attention, but internal ones do. This must mean I have something wired to keep those distractions in awareness. And in fact, I find it pretty safe to iterate through my external distractions when doing an introspective check-in. But internal ones are either hard to find or are very dangerous to interact with.

So, I think perhaps them being more readily available in awareness is important, and also I think I got a lot out of trying to find the moment that a distraction entered awareness. Feels like it's really strengthening my introspective awareness.

Even with the stricter rules: only 4 distinct gross distractions occurred: posture, memories, reflection, and politics. The political one alone triggered several times, though.

Which is to say that though I don't think I'll be checking stage 4 as mastered this Sunday, I very well may do so the following Sunday. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Experimental

Okay, so I've been trying doing a bit of "work-work" before doing maintenance stuff, and... it doesn't work. It's bad. I need to do the maintenance first to center myself. I'm doing less work the way I'm doing it, even if time-tracking shows more hours. Need to sharpen the blade before I use it!

To that end, I'll be doing meditation every morning again, and maybe a short one at 1600 to reset and/or do a special meditation. This will also make joing the work session everyday possible.

Naps are also super important.

General Thinking

Last day of the month. Crazy.

Dream

Intention (2255 the night before)

Quality sleep main goal. WBTS only if me-at-the-time agrees. Full trust in me-at-the-time. Incubate food dream. Recite intention.

Sleep time.

Fusion of Job Offices

I am working at my old job, but it is now an open-floor office instead of at-most 2 people to an office. There's an assigned person I report to behind my desk. I think I'm working on a comic. I forgot to leave my phone outside the office and get really annoyed with myself right as I think I'm figuring out someone's joke. "Excuse me for a quick moment," as I run outside the no-phone area to put away my phone (and make a mental note of emailing security about the incident).

There's music on the way back. Everyone is dancing. And I hop down the pathway. I trip at some point, but no one seems to notice (and I'm not particularly embarrassed or hurt by it).

That's all I remember.

Awkward Road Trip

I am in the backseat of a car. The wife is driving. I am stripped down to my underwear. I soil myself. It seeps through and stains the car. I am in disbelief that I let this happen. We are a ways from home. Need to clean it up somehow.

That's all I remember.

Pre-nap (1337)

So, today I want to think about work. High-level, priority work, whatever. Really, it's about having the scope of attention in work. As time goes on, I'll want to be more specific, but for now, work.

After the usual reciting of intentions and stuff.

Post-nap (1355)

Work-only takeaways, as planned.

Meditation (Day 117)

Was originally planning early morning meditation, but I do think I want to get straight to work, and I seem to have a pretty good mind state right now.

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Learn the various different ways I guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Before adjusting posture, mirror-check
• Mirror-check only when agitated due to worry and after counting to 8 in breaths
• During planned attention away from breath, keep breath in awareness

Post-Meditation (1730)

Another solid day. Not quite best, but close.

Decided that when I would observe the breath in a specific way, that I needed to note when I stopped. This would be a good way to know if a distraction is subtle or gross, if it stopped me focusing on the breath how I chose. This idea came halfway thru, and I always explicitly decided to go back to following and "deeply feeling" the breath at the nose. So, that's a solid sign for "actually no gross distractions".

I've decided that all posture manipulation will happen during posture prep or after the timer has expired, else posture is a gross distraction. I found that very early on that I could do the mudra mutation to my posture. So, the idea is to start with a posture I know I can keep through out, hold it for a bit, and then mutate towards the thing I want to try. Then keep that for the session. The mutation should be as small as possible (enforce gradual progress).

If I can't just settle into the posture that I was in for the session yesterday, I'll just go through the process of attaining that posture one small change at a time in prep.

Experimental

Starting to explore native Japanese dictionaries.... I have a ways to go. I think I should always try to read a definition in there, as well, though, whenever I look something up in jisho.

General Thinking

Oh ho?

What's this?

I'll be initializing this document the night before now. (This'll be moved into general thinking once the template gets pasted in.)

Dream

Intention (2215 the night before)

Back to 2215 sleep time! Let's keep with habits. Daysha incubation not working. Will try food and see what happens.

See you at WBTS?

Starship Troopers Bathroom

I am in the universe of Starship Troopers. We are discussing the enemy, which has hijacked our nukes and is sending them towards us. I am getting ready in the bathroom. Listening to all of this from other people in the shower room. This is completely normal.

We figure something out. The nukes only kill a fraction of us. Victory.

That's all I remember.

Meditation (Day 116)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Learn the various different ways I guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Before adjusting posture, mirror-check
• Mirror-check only when agitated due to worry and after counting to 8 in breaths
• During planned attention away from breath, keep breath in awareness

Post-Meditation

So, there are some "subtle" distractions I'm not sure about today, and also two "gross" distractions that I'm also not sure about. Basically, the two "gross" distractions were noted and kept in awareness, and then I decided to count to 8, and then I physically moved to address the distraction.

Specifically, I closed my door because of external noises, and I switched hand positions. I have found hand positions that seem to make my whole posture stable (I rest my hands on my thighs). But I'd like to be able to do mudras. So, the idea is that near the end of my meditation, slowly move my hands into a mudra, keeping everything else stable and happy. Then, when the meditation ends, mirror-check and try to remember the position if properly stable.

I quite like this idea, and I think I can apply it to other parts of me. It's a good way to slowly iterate form. Find stability however, and then address something that seems off about the stability, and only that thing. Gradual progress.

In any case, I'm going to put today in a "what stage 4 mastery looks like" bucket for now, but if I get more strict on gross distractions, I may not put future sessions with similar distractions in the same bucket.

Okay, today I will digitize and/or copy-paste all the notes I've made in notion that should go in public posts... go in public posts. Quite a few dream-journal things to digitize. That'll be fun.

Backlogging starting now (1508).

....

All right, split it up throughout the day, but past days are filled in (1848 right now).

Dream

Intention (2230 the night before)

Sleep now. Recite intent. Compromise. Take it easy. Don't force it.

VR, Air-vents, and Malls

I have a VR setup on a side-street on the sidewalk. I'm curious about... naughty VR things. Start to look into it even though I know it's a bad idea in this public place. I end up watching some VR YouTube videos.

Now, I'm hiding in an air vent with my wife. We're talking about something before we... do naughty stuff.

Now I'm outside that air vent. There's a repair man repairing something. He needs a tupperware container. I know that I have some in the air vent. I go to the vent and grab some. He's confused about how I could know it was there. I ask him if he wants it or not. He does.

I have been procrastinating something this whole time. Some sort of presentation for the mall we're at. Celebrating 1,100,000 total visitors. Someone else has ended up doing it. It's really flashy. I wonder why we're celebrating such a specific thing. Also, the mall is dead because covid19, seems like a weird thing to do.

There's a game show happening at the mall now. Lots of disabled people show up in wheelchairs. There's a DNA test happening to see what disabilities you have to give your team the necessary handicaps. This seems off to me for some reason but I can't articulate it. I am also curious what the DNA reading will say about me.

"Apparently, you can have a negative handicap. People with really good memories can break some of the events. One person could remember which team made which cupcakes" I thought for sure I'd have a negative reading. Don't remember the reading I had.

Vague memories of events.

That's all I remember.

Pre-nap (1257)

I think I want to reinforce "catching up" during my nap today. Which is just digitizing any notes, and doing the various Notion tasks I have in today's bucket. Possibly also some work (I was super distracted last Friday, and wanted to have something done that isn't, but I should be able to get done within an hour or so).

So, the plan is:

• recite intentions
• think about the things I want to do (or at least properly organize so that future me isn't over-assigned)
• maybe think about work task a bit

Post-nap (1318)

I recite my intents, then start thinking about the day's tasks, which I read over before finishing my pre-nap. One such task is mutating my daily template. Reordering tasks and such. Also, I would like to initialize the document at the end of the previous day, I think.

Politics finds its way into my mind, but I have long since decided that I'm done "thinking about what it'll look like when the problem is solved". That has its place, but I should practice and actually do some work towards solving the problems before doing more thinking about what the end result would look like.

Moving on, studying Japanese lingers in my mind a bit. A lot of people on the anime discord I'm a part of are also studying Japanese, and at least two of them are interested in studying Japanese by learning a piece of media's vocab and then watching that media. Perhaps we could create a channel for such a purpose.

That's basically all the important bits. Let's transition to getting my system to a good state that doesn't weigh on my mind.

Meditation (Day 115)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Learn the various different ways I guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Before adjusting posture, mirror-check
• Mirror-check only when agitated due to worry and after counting to 8 in breaths

Post-Meditation (1130)

Today was a new best day! Second day of only subtle distractions. Though my definition of that gets stricter over time so we'll see if some of the "subtle" distractions become something I label as gross in future sessions.

This may be why progress can seem so chaotic, I think. It is also certainly pretty chaotic, but regular practice means a refinement of processes and a clearer line between things, and so less mislabeling and thus more accurate noting of mistakes.

In any case, I won't mark stage 4 as mastered today, but maybe it'll be marked that way next Sunday if the following week goes well enough.

In which case, I'll need to start doing stage 5 exercises again, and also really need to read more Mind Illuminated.

I am also learning how to adapt to the kind of distractions coming at me. Basically, match like with like. Visual distractions mean visualize the breath. Audio distractions means listen to the breath. Memories mean focus on connecting the breath. Present (aka external or bodily sensations) mean follow the breath.

This isn't about driving the distraction from attention, I don't think, nor blocking its access to attention, but more about providing more resources to that area so awareness also gets more power. With stronger awareness, the distraction can be kept in check as we go through the meditative formula: relax and look for joy; let it come, let it be, let it go.

Also, because distractions are more successful where awareness and attention are vacant, they move around to those various areas, and me meeting them there with focus on the breath means a solid breath of focus along many axes. Which means a more throughout workout for my consciousness, I think.

Pretty excited about this breakthrough, though we'll see if I agree about its value as time goes on.

General Thinking

Okay, mostly caught up, but still behind. Didn't start my weekly review. Hopefully can make time tomorrow or the next day.

Feeling pretty recharged, though, and that's good. Hopefully I can make time in the morning for meditation, but I might just push it to around 1600.

Okay, so, I'll write in the last two day's posts today.

lol, nope, nevermind. Will do it tomorrow.

Dream

Intention (2230 the night before)

Internet being down this morning messed with me a bit. There was an additional dream (that I'll rwrite now before sleep) that I had on wake, but I call CenturyLink first thing.

After dream writing sleep time.

Packing Up Campers

I am with my wife at a heavily urbanized mobile home park. There's a lot of people set up for some sort of packing event.

I have parked my car in the way of some trucks and go to move it out of the way. This leads to my setup being packed first. My car has become a tiny moving truck.

We barely have anything to pack and the wife is a bit upset that we're expected to stay and help others pack.

I tell the boss that my wife has limited spoons and I'll take her home after a bit and come back. He seems fine with this.

That's all I remember.

Vancouver Flooding

At a friend's house (lives in Vancouver, WA). The area is flooding. Need to leave. That's all I remember.

Wake (logged at 0755 this morning)

Solid night of dreaming. Was feeling pretty exhausted yesterday. Told myself it was okay not to write anything down. Ended up storing dreams in head all right. Don't want to make that a habit, I don't think.

Feeling pretty good this morning, too.

Pre-nap (1454)

No real plan again. Maybe I'll try a psuedo-dream about Daysha (who I am trying to incubate a dream for).

This weekend is going to be a bit of a rest weekend, so I don't really plan on using this nap to try to channel focus towards some task.

Post-nap (1511)

Thought a bit about Daysha. Lots of political thinking today. Maybe I should organize it into places in my political section in Notion.

Meditation (Day 114)

Intentions for the day:

• Stay in posture part of prep until you're prepared to set the intention to stay still
• Stage 4 intention (vigilance on keeping introspective awareness continuous)
• Fall back to stage 3 if necessary
• Label the distractions, do it over and over so that it becomes automatic
• Learn the various different ways I guide myself back to the breath
  • E.g. away from tempting distractions, away from posture distractions, away from pain
• Note where the breath was when you label a distraction (attention, awareness, or forgotten)
• Before adjusting posture, mirror-check
• Mirror-check only when agitated due to worry and after counting to 8 in breaths

Proper morning meditation again.

If I can start waking up earlier again (say around 0600), I may want to meditate first thing in the morning again. Or rather, try it out again), time-of-day experimentation seems pretty worthwhile right now.

Post-Meditation (1100)

Today was a lot like yesterday. Which is interesting as I did it in the morning. So time of day wasn't a cause for anything yesterday. Looked up form and leg still fell asleep and grew in pain. This time, instead of laying down, I switched legs. Eventually, I had a setup where I was cross-legged but both feet were on ground. Done this before, might employ it for a while.

Lower-back back to complaining. Not sure what cause is. Will just sit in posture prep for that much longer.

Gross distractions didn't cascade, so I'm getting better at that. And gross distractions really don't last long. Pretty hopeful that I'll hit another day of no gross distractions soon.